How Parenting can be so challenging

It may sound absurd for someone like me, a no-boyfriend-since-birth kind of single, with no children whatsoever, talking about this stuff. To be honest, I don’t know anything about this topic, except from what I have observed so far with my twenty-three years of stay on Earth.

To start things off, I would like to clarify that parenting is one of my most dreaded task in life. Sometimes I was doubting on whether I am ever fit for the job. I’m not good with kids, but kids seem to have some sort fascination on me, I feel so embarrassed in from of them. Although there are times when I really wanted to have a child of my own (even if it’s only adopted), and experience being a mother. BUT. But there are things I can’t shake off my mind which makes me paranoid and fear parenting all over.

Ever since I can remember, my mother would always tell me that when you become a parent, that’s the only time you will understand that it’s not an easy task and you will experience what you’re parents experienced when they were parenting you. She would often tell me those words whenever I did something wrong. That’s probably the reason why I dread it so much. I personally don’t think I’m a good daughter. I may look like one on the surface, but only my parents could tell you how much of a bad egg I was. Only that they don’t go off announcing it to people.

This belief has been proven many times in my observation to people. I witness it happening to my relatives as what they are doing to my grandparents has been reflected by their children, and now they’re experiencing the same thing. Same case for our neighbors, who used to be rebellious kids and out-of-school youths only to see their children repeat the same kind of mistakes in life. Then the cycle goes on.

Remember how people who grew up with a broken family end up with a broken family of their own? Well maybe there are exceptions, but I believe psychology would agree that a person would develop a certain kind of behavior based on what their primary nurturers have shown them. So you, as a parent, would behave in a certain manner that’ll nurture your kid to act the way you used to act when you were still a kid. Or sometimes worse.

I can’t remember where I read this stuff, but it was said that your children will most likely pick up on your behaviors rather than those words you keep on telling them. So if you keep on reiterating to your child that he/she shouldn’t be late but you yourself isn’t punctual at all, most likely, your kid would develop tardiness. That’s also the reason why violence at home is not encouraged.

I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way my parents do their parenting. I do believe I acquired my bad behavior to people who I deal with outside of home.

By the way, I would like to share this to you, something I don’t usually talk about. Back then, when I was a three-year-old kid, my nanny would physically abuse me, which I think somehow caused me to be a little violent. A trait I seemed to have passed on to my brother, so both of us are somewhat violent people.

I also have a very short patience, so I tend to have urges to hit people. So if kids are somewhat annoying, I really try MY BEST not to hit the kid. That’s probably one of the things I fear about parenting. What if I lose my patience to my child? Will I hit him/her?

I’m pretty sure a lot of you can relate. You may share your experiences in the comments below.

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