It was all in my imagination, I guess. But this is what I know is true. I like him…I suppose.
I did write something before about how I met this guy. You may check it out here. Let’s call him Senpai.
And so Senpai and I became chat buddies since the day I added him in Facebook. We don’t chat every day though, but we chat long enough. There’s this complication between us about our jobs, because I’m an auditor and he’s an accountant. Both of us are government employees, serving the best interest of the public. To those who may have not known, the situation we are in is really complicated. I remember reading a news about it, and in fact, I wrote a blog about it. So much for that.
Despite being aware of the consequences of my act, I still continued to befriend this guy. I really like him y’know. I can’t stop myself from chatting him. I even came to a point where I pretended that I’m interested to watch Game of Thrones (to which I’m now truly addicted) and asked him for a copy. It was just a strategy for me to have a reason to see him, ‘coz honestly, despite us being in the same building, 9 hours a day, 5 times a week, we never see each other. As in never!
Anyway, we had our secret meetings. I call it secret because none of my officemates are aware of it. I don’t know if his officemates are aware though, but I think it’s a secret nonetheless.
There was one time I opened up the topic about my crush, and go over it during our chat sessions. Eventually, one time, he posted something in his blog and I liked it. I forgot that I used my own picture as a Gravatar, to which he eventually discovered that I was blogging as well. All this time, I pretended I didn’t know about WordPress, and that I was writing about him, only to blow up my cover by way of stupidity! And because of that, he discovered that I have a crush on him.
After that, he was trying to confirm things to me, but I always try to change the topic or deny about it. I’m really embarrassed!
Until one time, this January, I decided to ask him about how he felt when he discovered it. I won’t disclose his answer here.
After a few weeks, he resigned in his position, stopped writing blogs and rarely logs in to Facebook. He still reply to my messages though. But it doesn’t feel the same anymore.
I still want him though. Even if it’s already stupidity. Please, don’t tell to stop hoping.