We used to be so close. We were always together…virtually. We talk for hours and hours until one of us doses off. I wonder what happened to us. We simply stopped talking to each other. I love you. No. I loved you. But I got tired of it. Because you didn’t love me back. We stopped communicating to each other. I don’t know what happened to you anymore. I tried to reach you. You didn’t reach out to me. So I got tired of it. I thought it was pointless. There’s no point fighting a lost game.
I enjoy talking to you. I want to spend all my time with you. But I have my plans in life. I don’t want to get distracted. I’m so confused. I want you, but I can’t love you right now. Not yet. I’m not ready yet. We stopped talking. We stopped our endless chats. I thought you could wait for me. But when I saw you walking in that corridor, I thought you’d say hi. You didn’t. You passed me by. I saw coldness in your eyes. I didn’t say hi as well. Because I was afraid. I was afraid that I can’t hold myself back. I was afraid that if I love now, I can’t fulfill my dreams.
Several years passed. I decided not to love again. I can’t force myself to love again. I don’t get interested with any of them. I know, I don’t love him anymore. My heart should be open to anyone. But it seemed disinterested. There’s one thing I want to do right now. I want to adopt a child. I want to have a child. My friend told me it was better to have my own child. Someone who came from me. I told her I’m not interested in artificial insemination. She said her point is that I should marry someone and have a child of my own. I said I don’t want to. I don’t want to have a relationship with someone I don’t love. I don’t want to be unfair to him. If I’ll marry him, I should love him. She asked me why wouldn’t I love someone. Is it because I don’t like them, or is it because I still love someone? I told her I don’t like them. Because I don’t. And I don’t love someone. Eventually she gave up convincing me, knowing how stubborn I am, that I’ll still do whatever I want. I adopted a kid. He made me happy and contented with life. I love my son.
After several years of hard work, I finally achieved my dreams. My life have gone according to plan. Everything is going well, except for one thing: love. I got too engrossed with my dreams I forgot that I should try and find love. I got busy with work and stop seeing the girls around me. Now that I have fulfilled my dreams, I’m finally ready to love. I wonder if she’s still there, waiting for me… Because all of these, I planned, seeing her by my side. But then, one day, I saw her with a child. They seemed so happy. I felt a sudden pain in my chest. I’ve had her wait for too long she got tired of waiting. She has found someone who made her happy. I want to be happy for her. But now, I can’t. Because I still love her. But I didn’t had a chance to have her. I was too preoccupied looking at her. I didn’t realize that she’s now in front of me, looking in my eyes. Then a teardrop fell on the ground.