REM sleep is what I need. What I want to do. Why? Because staying awake make me think about annoying things that are certainly not healthy for my self-esteem. I stayed away from Facebook for a while ‘coz I think it’s the primary source of everything bullshit in my head. My plan is to stay away from it in a month then log in again on February 8, 2017. But things didn’t go as planned. Let’s just say I breached it by less than 10 times (but certainly close to it). And last night, my crush sent me a message when I was online. I was arguing with myself that I shouldn’t reply but my stubborn shit of a hand replied. The conversion lasted for a very short while, then it’s done. And now, I fucking find myself in this bullshit of an effin’ life, where devious thoughts haunt me again for no reason at all. I was regaining my life again, y’know. My life apart from reality. And now I was dragged back by my own stupidity. And all the beauty in my soul vanished, sucked by an unknown force. For over a long time in my life, I’ve been struggling to keep up that shitty self-esteem. But a lot of negative stuff around me constantly drains all the efforts I’ve fused into my fucking self-esteem. Okay, this is full of curses already. Please forgive me, for this is the only place I can spit out all the curses in my head. I’m so tired of masking myself.
The shitty part is, I want to cry but I can’t. My damn eyes don’t freaking cry at all.