Love Incapacity (prose version)

This is a supplementary article for my poem “Love Incapacity.”

I have strict adherence to rhyme and meter when I wrote Love Incapacity, so as a result, I have limited words that’ll express what I truly feel. And thus, I decided to write a supplementary article.

Okay, what’s the point of all of this?

For starters, this is to describe what I truly feel deep, as in deep, deep inside myself…like deep, deep inside.

In my poem, I started it with the lines “My words are o’er romanticized,” which as it literally implies, my words are the hyperbole version of what I truly feel. If you have been reading some of my early posts, or even until now, you would’ve noticed that I talked about my crush a lot of times, and some might assume that all of these are about him. Definitely no. I mean, partly yes, but still more of a no.

If one is to ask me if ever I have fallen in love before, I would say no. I may have felt something closer to that, or probably never at all. My heart only recognizes four emotions, namely: pity, familial love, fear, and hatred. The rest are felt in my mind, my brain, my head, whatever you call it. Notice that I am definite with the type of love here: familial love. Which means that the thing called romantic love is something I only feel in my head.

Maybe he’s right after all, that the feeling is not too strong. He keeps on reiterating that to me. And perhaps he’s right. What I strongly feel right now is obsession and selfishness.

It may sound negative, and yes, it is. But I have to acknowledge it myself. I won’t improve unless I acknowledge my own flaws. Sometimes I think I’m still too young, and I may not have been past adolescence period, despite being 23 years old. That’s why every time younglings say that they’re in love, I only dismiss it by “what do you know about love?”

Amongst teenagers, and some other people, the term “mutual understanding’ is pretty common. Some even engage in a kind of relationship wherein two people flirt and cuddle each other, but they aren’t official. Well, we may judge them, and I did judge them; but I understand them somehow (or at least one of them). The feeling of having someone flirting you is fun, but why not commit? It’s because you know inside yourself that you don’t love them at all. That everything is superficial. That you enjoy the status quo. And once you’re tired, you just quit. And that’s it.

Perhaps that’s what I wanted for now. As long as my heart doesn’t feel that emotion. As long as it’s all in the mind. I will never believe in romantic love.

Maybe you have some ideas, or some advice? Please let me hear them and comment below.

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6 thoughts on “Love Incapacity (prose version)

  1. Love is the most simplest complex emotion there is, love!
    Love does come with its own obligations and commitments. It is the willingness of how much of other persons flaws and mistakes you can take without letting it get to you. It is mostly about forgiveness, acceptance and to what length the partners can go to save the relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hmmm… I think I understand you quite well. However, pardon me I may be wrong, but I think that you think you’re incapable of romantic love (as you so put it) because you over-think it, thus it stays in your mind or head or whatever we’d call it. Yes, many young people today have used the feeling of love as cover for shallow relationships such as “mutual understandings” thereby making it hard for others to trust and believe in love and give themselves to it.
    I think you recognize familial love in your heart because you can trust your family. The relationship already comes with a natural commitment towards each other.
    I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t blame you and also that maybe you should trust your heart more albeit not being naive. My! how difficult that is.
    Great post by the way!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment! You got it right! I tend to overthink things, and to be honest, I’m really afraid of what will happen if ever I do fall in love…
      I mean, hurting is inevitable, but I don’t want to look stupid or something, which is I think, part of the process as well. I consider a lot of things, and afraid of everything, so I guess I withheld myself from falling in love because of that. I don’t want to fall for the wrong person, or be judged by anyone. I want to remain a skeptic mind. I don’t wanna get blinded by love…
      But it’s all part of the process…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Love! Love! Love! Can you love with your head? Does Love only reside in the heart? Or is Love a matter of both faculties working together? Questions and many more question that we can only make assumptions about based on our own peculiar experiences. We have but our whole lives to experiment this and find answers to these questions from ages past.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I agree that love includes both mind and heart. But if it’s all in the head, then it’s not love, right? Sometimes people get too intoxicated with the feeling and often mistake it to be love, when in the long run, it isn’t love at all. They only realize it once it’s already late. I think that it’s important that I know this myself so that I won’t jump into relationships and trap myself there. Thanks for your comment! Have a nice day ahead! =)

        Liked by 1 person

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