This is a supplementary article for my poem “Love Incapacity.”
I have strict adherence to rhyme and meter when I wrote Love Incapacity, so as a result, I have limited words that’ll express what I truly feel. And thus, I decided to write a supplementary article.
Okay, what’s the point of all of this?
For starters, this is to describe what I truly feel deep, as in deep, deep inside myself…like deep, deep inside.
In my poem, I started it with the lines “My words are o’er romanticized,” which as it literally implies, my words are the hyperbole version of what I truly feel. If you have been reading some of my early posts, or even until now, you would’ve noticed that I talked about my crush a lot of times, and some might assume that all of these are about him. Definitely no. I mean, partly yes, but still more of a no.
If one is to ask me if ever I have fallen in love before, I would say no. I may have felt something closer to that, or probably never at all. My heart only recognizes four emotions, namely: pity, familial love, fear, and hatred. The rest are felt in my mind, my brain, my head, whatever you call it. Notice that I am definite with the type of love here: familial love. Which means that the thing called romantic love is something I only feel in my head.
Maybe he’s right after all, that the feeling is not too strong. He keeps on reiterating that to me. And perhaps he’s right. What I strongly feel right now is obsession and selfishness.
It may sound negative, and yes, it is. But I have to acknowledge it myself. I won’t improve unless I acknowledge my own flaws. Sometimes I think I’m still too young, and I may not have been past adolescence period, despite being 23 years old. That’s why every time younglings say that they’re in love, I only dismiss it by “what do you know about love?”
Amongst teenagers, and some other people, the term “mutual understanding’ is pretty common. Some even engage in a kind of relationship wherein two people flirt and cuddle each other, but they aren’t official. Well, we may judge them, and I did judge them; but I understand them somehow (or at least one of them). The feeling of having someone flirting you is fun, but why not commit? It’s because you know inside yourself that you don’t love them at all. That everything is superficial. That you enjoy the status quo. And once you’re tired, you just quit. And that’s it.
Perhaps that’s what I wanted for now. As long as my heart doesn’t feel that emotion. As long as it’s all in the mind. I will never believe in romantic love.
Maybe you have some ideas, or some advice? Please let me hear them and comment below.